The other day, my wife and I were discussing what life might be like after things change enough that we start to feel more free to do the things we used to do. Apparently, after the Spanish Flu came the “roaring 20s,” many developments in music, art, and creativity, and a lot of partying. The idea of connecting more with others, getting back to some kind of “normal,” and so forth, is appealing. But, partying and rushing back to normal? I’m not sure I want the floodgates to open too wide, too quickly.
As I’ve probably mentioned in previous blogs, I have been attending yearly, 4-5 day Zen mindfulness retreats for many years. Those retreats have several rules designed to help us remain in our mindfulness practice throughout the retreat. For example, we’re supposed to avoid talking for most of the retreat, avert our eyes when walking past other people (to avoid engaging in nonverbal communication and distracting them from their practice), avoid greeting others, and so forth. For some people, this drastic change in social norms is a major challenge. It can be hard to resist the urge to smile, say “Hello,” or chat with our fellow retreat-goers. And, of course, there are people who “cheat.” I often hear them whispering in the hallways, talking out at the edge of the parking lot, and so forth. Most of the time, I don’t judge them, and when I do, I let go of the judgments pretty quickly.
On the last morning, at breakfast, we are finally allowed to talk. That’s when the air rushes back in – a hurricane of talking, hugging, laughing, and so forth. Although I’ve come to genuinely like all of the people on the retreat and enjoy their company, silent or otherwise, I find this rush back to “normal” to be a little jarring after 5 days of silence. My preference would be to ease back in. Several days of silence and social norm violations have taught me that many of the things we habitually do are not always necessary. I feel just as close to and connected with the people at the retreat when we’re silent as I do when we’re talking. I prefer to slowly build back in the stuff that we weren’t doing, and to do so carefully and mindfully (without being too weird in the process, such as not saying “Hi” to people, etc.!).
This would be my preferred approach to “post-pandemic” life. I plan to consider many of the things I haven’t been doing and decide mindfully when and how to build them back into my life. When and how would I like to start commuting more often? How many social events or gatherings do I want to attend? What about cooking big holiday dinners? Hugs, handshakes, and so on? What about exercising in a gym, going to public pools, movies, crowded restaurants during busy times, and so forth? Do I really want to fly across the country or continent just to attend 2-3 days of a conference? Do I want to fly at all (let’s face it, flying has sucked since 9/11, and now it’s way worse)? What about spending? Do we really want to go back to our pre-pandemic levels of spending/consumption? How much of this is really necessary, when, and how? How much of it is crucial to a fulfilling, happy, healthy, and socially connected life? I wouldn’t want to foist my idiosyncratic preferences onto others (OK, well, I do, but I’ll try not to :), but my opinion is that a gradual, mindful return to “normal” would be most ideal for our health, psychologically, physical, and for the health of our relationships, community, and the broader environment. ~ Dr. Alexander L. Chapman