Over the last 11 months, as many people have, I’ve been expanding my repertoire of cooking and baking. When it comes to cooking, I’ve made a lot of progress with Indian food in particular. I’ve been learning how to combine spices in interesting ways and even managed to make an Indian fish dish that my older son actually likes (he mentioned last time I made it that “This is the only fish I’ll tolerate.”). I’ve also learned how to make homemade pasta, excellent, Roman-style carbonara, a variety of vegetarian curries, among other great meals.
One of my goals this past summer was to learn how to make homemade pie. I finally got around to it in the fall. The first time, my pie crust was like a thin layer of concrete. I did a lot of research to determine why it ended up this way. Some sources suggested that I probably put too much water in the dough or worked it too much, but when I looked back at the recipe, I realized I had simply forgotten to cut slits in the top, so the top of the crust rose off the filling and hardened in the oven. The next few times, I got it almost exactly right, but not without a lot of pain and suffering. The dough would feel too wet, too dry, stick to the rolling pin, or be impossible to roll out without falling apart. I’d try to drape it gently across the pie plate, and it would be too small, too thick, or the wrong shape. I’d try putting it in the fridge to see if it would be easier to roll out colder dough (big mistake), or leave it out longer, only for it to end up too warm. I’d work it once, twice, and again, just to see if it would be more amenable to the rolling pin. I used parchment paper when it was impossible to unroll the dough from the rolling pin. The list goes on. But, even after going to war with the dough each time, perspiring and prodigiously muttering obscenities under my breath, it would almost always turn out delicious, flaky, and nearly perfect.
Reflecting on this process, I wondered why on earth anyone would say something is “easy as pie.” I only recently looked up the origin of this phrase. Apparently, the indigenous people of New Zealand used a word that sounded like “pie” to indicate that someone was particularly good at something (e.g., “She was ‘pie’ at mountain biking.’). The idea is that, if you’re “pie” at something, it’s fairly easy. I don’t know if that’s always true, though. I think we can be good at something but still find it challenging and have to put a lot of work and effort into it. I think I’m reasonably good at speaking and teaching, but I’ve had a lot of practice, had to overcome my anxiety, and still find these activities fairly exhausting (although also a little invigorating at times). If you’re struggling with emotional or mental health concerns and in treatment trying to build a life worth living, you’ll probably find that it takes a lot of work and effort. There will be many ups and downs, times when you don’t think you’re making any progress (like when I’ve had to roll out the dough the fourth or fifth time), and other times when you take a big step forward. You might even be pretty good (or “pie”) at learning new coping skills, developing insight into yourself, or understanding and improving relationships with others, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy to do these things.
In some previous blogs, I described the DBT skill of turning the mind. I think this can be an excellent skill when you find yourself demoralized and fed up with things – when things really don’t seem “easy as pie” at all. First, notice that you’re starting to feel demoralized and check in with yourself on whether you’re accepting that things are hard right now. Check whether you’re accepting the episodic and roller-coaster nature of progress. See whether you’re accepting that you have to put in so much effort when others might seem to have it easier. Second, make an inner commitment to yourself to accept things exactly as they are, and still keep working toward your goals, step-by-step. The pie will probably turn out the way it should be, even if you sometimes have to go through hell to get it on your plate. ~ Alexander L. Chapman, Ph.D., R.Psych.