I think one of the things that has been hardest for many of us throughout this past year is that one of the things we rely on for our mental and physical well-being – social connection – has dramatically changed. Now, not everyone has been following the rules, but even if you’re not, just the idea that it is somehow less safe to connect with others probably creates an undercurrent of stress. Although we’ve all had to be more creative these days in connecting with others, the benefits of doing so are crucial, especially during such a stressful time. Maybe it’s because I’m a little on the introverted side, but until relatively recently, I never really thought much about why social connection has such benefits…
After I spent several years going to graduate school and completing a post-doc in the U.S., my wife and I wanted to move back to the Vancouver area particularly because it was home and our families live here. Also, we were about to have our first child, and we wanted everyone to be together, and of course, to benefit from some free babysitting! In our early days after returning home, going through the craziness of having two sons about 19 months apart, we really treasured the connection to our extended family and the tangible help and emotional support they provided.
Indeed, research and theory (attachment theory – Bowlby, 1980; social baseline theory – Coan & Sbarra, 2015) suggest that social connection is crucial to our well-being primarily because of three key factors.
First, when others are accessible, responsive to our emotions and needs, and engaged with us, we feel safer and happier. Being accessible to and supportive of others can also enhance our own well-being. I recently booked my mom’s COVID vaccination, and although it was a really simple thing to do, I somehow felt a rush of accomplishment and pride that I was able to do something tangible to help reduce her risk.
Second, having others around us helps to distribute the work and tribulations of every day life. We are not solely responsible for all of the things we have to do, and we can turn to others for help, making life less overwhelming. Going to our parents’ house for a few hours, where we weren’t the sole caregivers for our kids, was incredibly rejuvenating when our sons were young. Knowing that my wife and I have a pretty consistent deal that, if I cook dinner, she’ll tackle most of the cleanup, makes cooking (one of my favourite activities) a lot less stressful and more enjoyable (even when the kids don’t eat what I make!).
Third, being connected others can help diffuse or distribute dangers or risks. I’ve noticed some good examples of this latter point recently, as there has been an increase in cougar attacks in our general area. Cougars have been snatching up small dogs, stalking teenagers, etc. Many of us have been avoiding walking our dogs in the evening or teaming up with others for these walks. The other week, I was taking our dog for a walk, and I saw that a small congregation of neighbours had materialized outside our driveway. We had a nice chat, and some of us broke off in groups to go for our evening walks. Although I’m not overly worried about cougar attacks, just being out in the evening with others seemed to bring on a sense of well-being.
With the tightening of restrictions in B.C. coming into effect today, it might help to keep in mind the key emotional benefits of social connection: The strong attachment that comes from having someone accessible, responsive to, and engaged with us emotionally; the distribution of labour and work that helps make life less overwhelming; and the diffusion and sharing of risks, stresses, or dangers. Perhaps see if you can find creative ways to achieve these three key needs/benefits. Do an inventory on the health of your social connections and see if these boxes are being checked, and if not, how they can be. Even after things return to a more normal state, I suspect many of us will have learned to treasure our connections with others more than ever.
~ Alexander L. Chapman, Ph.D., R.Psych.