Lately, I’ve been much more busy than I want to be. I always seem to have many things that need to be done soon, if not now. I find this kind of time pressure to be partly motivating and partly toxic. It’s motivating, in that if something needs to be done soon, I’m probably going to spend time on it soon. It’s toxic because the pressure to get stuff done raises my stress levels, makes me divert my attention from other things that also could be important, makes me resentful, and can sometimes results in a sprint-or-collapse approach to work and life. It’s interesting that time pressure affects so many of us, when it’s not even clear whether time actually exists. A lot of people think that time is simply an idea that we made up to organize ourselves in relation to the natural environment. And yet, time stress and pressure is palpable at times, particularly when other people want us to do things urgently. I keep learning and relearning that, while others’ priorities are important, sometimes they’re not as urgent as we treat them. In fact, sometimes, I think we all get caught up in others’ crises and urgent priorities, often to everyone’s detriment. When this starts to happen, I think the DBT strategy of observing limits can be incredibly valuable. When other people want me to do things really soon, I often find it helpful to step back, think about my priorities, and get back to them with what I believe is more reasonable deadline. This is not to invalidate or dismiss the importance or urgency of others’ requests. Rather, if I’m going to continue to be of support to the other people in my work and personal life, I can’t be constantly sprinting to get things done that people want me to get done right now. Observing limits can be as simple as saying, “Let me think about that for a little bit and get back to you.” and then letting the person know that, while what they need is important, you’re going to take a little longer to get to it. To do this effectively, you have to practice some mindfulness. Be mindful of your own reactions when someone else asks you to do something. If you notice that you feel anxious or frustrated, and worry thoughts are crossing your mind about how on earth you are going to fit this in, that’s a good time to step back, take a breath, and give yourself time to really think about it before automatically saying yes. As someone with a lot of experience automatically saying yes, I can confidently say that, if you practice observing limits on a regular basis, your life will be much less stressful. ~ Alexander L. Chapman Ph.D., R.Psych.