Back when the coronavirus situation was in the early days in our area, I was listening to a radio discussion of ways to cope with being at home a lot. Work and travel restrictions had begun, public playgrounds and many parks were closed, kids were out of school, and people were either working from home or not working at all. The roads were largely empty, and restaurants were closed for in-person dining. The weather was beautiful, so many people who weren’t used to being home during the day were getting out, walking, running, cycling, and hiking on the local trails. On the radio, they were talking about ways to keep busy during the lockdown, how to avoid boredom, and new hobbies and activities to try out. There were also many recommendations for how to keep kids busy and stimulated and to avoid boredom. The suggestions were very creative, and we’ve tried some of them ourselves. That said, implicit in this discussion was the notion that it’s a good idea to be really active and stimulated and a bad idea to have down time. It also seemed like people were thinking it was somehow bad to be at home. I thought this was a little odd, as we’ve tried to make our home a place where we and our kids want to be.
Now, anyone with kids knows that downtime at home can indeed be painful. When my younger son has completed his allotment of “gaming,” he often wanders around saying that there’s nothing to do or tries to sneak downstairs to watch T.V. (as if that’s not just more screentime). My older son was without his phone yesterday (for reasons I won’t discuss here!), and he similarly wandered from room to room saying there was nothing to do, despite my many wise fatherly offers and suggestions. Aside from the obvious struggles with work, employment, and other issues, I think adults similarly have found that a change in activity level has been a major source of stress during the pandemic. For some, the change involves an unprecedented increase in activity level, almost to a breaking point, such as families where both partners are working and trying to manage the home and childcare. For others, an increase in downtime has been very difficult.
I’m going to focus on the increase in downtime here. I think that many people are used to being busy and stimulated much of the time, and the idea that there are fewer places to go and less to do is challenging. I also believe, however, that it’s valuable to learn to get used to downtime. Years ago, as I’ve mentioned in a previous blog, I was probably one of the laziest high school students around. I didn’t do any extracurricular activities, and I quit all of the activities I started (piano lessons, football team, etc.). I spent a lot of time in “downtime mode,” although I probably still did more than my kids do! I often biked to my friend’s (yes, I only had one) house. We played basketball and badminton, explored the neighborhood, spied on people, and so forth. Other than that, I spent a lot of time reading, watching T.V., and just sitting around. I’ve always been a homebody, so I was quite happy just hanging out at home, doing next to nothing.
Early in my career, I was busier than ever, getting up before 5am, working by 6, getting home at 6 or 7pm, making dinner, helping put the kids to bed, and so forth. During those years, I figured I was “front-loading” my work so that, later on, I could resurrect my lazy high school self who so loved downtime. It hasn’t worked out exactly as planned, but more and more, I’m finding myself appreciating the moments I spend just sitting around, mindfully watching or listening to the birds, reading a book on the patio, or just doing absolutely nothing. I was chatting with a neighbour the other day, who said this was the first time in over 10 years that their family has sat down regularly for dinner together. Having experienced what it’s like to be out of the rat race, he was worried that we’re all just going to dive back into it when we feel we’re in the clear (if that ever happens). Maybe it’s time to rethink our activity levels and try to balance stimulation and activity with some good, solid downtime. Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn has often written about the benefits of “Being Mode,” which involves mindfully experiencing the present moment, with no future goal or purpose. Maybe it’s OK not to always be stimulated or have somewhere to go or something to do, and just to hang out for a while, doing nothing. ~ Alexander L. Chapman, Ph.D., R.Psych.