I’m sure we have all noticed that we sometimes don’t want to do some of the things that we know are good for us, even those things that boost our moods. This came to the forefront of my mind over the last few months, as my son has been engaging in some regular volunteer work. In the hours or sometimes even the days leading up to this volunteer work, he grumbles and complains, tries to get out of it, repeatedly asks why he’s doing it, and so forth. After he volunteers, he comes back in a delightfully pleasant mood, seems happy and energized, and often exclaims that he rather enjoyed it. He has been through this cycle many times: not wanting to go, going, enjoying it more than he thought, and then again, not wanting to go the next time.
It’s interesting that our anticipation of activities can be so different than the actual experience of doing them. We often tell our clients that getting out and doing things makes it easier to get out and do things, and this is true. At the same time, “wanting” to do things sometimes takes a long time to catch up. It’s sort of like our brain is weighed down by a boulder on one side of a teeter totter. That side of the teeter totter says, “I don’t want to do this, I won’t enjoy it, it will be difficult and annoying,” and so on. Getting out and doing things it is like putting a pebble on the other side of the teeter toddler. It can take a long time for enough pebbles to accumulate that they begin to move the boulder, and you actually start wanting to do things and stop dreading them.
Remember this if you’re working on doing difficult things that you find anxiety provoking, or if you’re dealing with depression or other mood problems that make it hard to want to do anything. The pebbles will accumulate, and your brain will probably stop dreading everyday life activities, but it takes time. Be patient with yourself. Do your activities with your mind wide open, attending to the full experience, not just the negative or challenging parts. Keep a log or journal describing what it was actually like to do the activities, noting whether you had a positive shift in your mood. Then, you can go back and review your record of the activity and remind your brain that it was perhaps not that bad. That’s like adding another pebble. Eventually, you might find that your dread decreases. Even if you don’t truly “want” to get up and go work out, see people, and so forth, you might find that you are more able to see the bigger picture: Whether or not you want to do it is not the most important consideration. Whether it’s effective in your life is much more critical. ~ Alexander L. Chapman, Ph.D., R.Psych.