We got a dog for the first time a couple of months ago. At first, I was rather against the idea because I always thought I was allergic to dogs. Recently, however, I had spent some time with the dogs of some family members, only to find that I had no discernible reaction. This made it harder to resist the pressures (i.e., begging, pleading, showing me photos of cute rescue dogs, and so forth) of my immediate family to bring a dog into our home. My last line of defense was that we are so busy already that a dog would complicate our lives unnecessarily. I had heard that dogs can be high maintenance, and I’m already high maintenance myself! In any case, once we met our beautiful little Shi Tzu/poodle cross, I knew it was too late. We were getting a dog. And, I’m glad we did. It turns out that we can fit a dog into our life. He’s a lovely, mellow little guy who does well with the kids, is very affectionate, and loves to play (but is non-demanding about it). We’ve learned that dogs are creatures of habit who require consistent routines, and if nothing else, we are very good at routines. Plus, we already love to walk and hike, so it doesn’t feel like a burden to go on three walks a day.
During my evening walk with our little guy, I normally take him to a nearby field so he can run around a bit, meet other dogs, and play with his ball. We go at nearly the same time every evening, and on the way home, we always see the same teenaged girl swinging on a swing in the park. Ever single time we go for our evening walk, rain or shine, she’s there swinging and listening to music. I’m no creeper, so I don’t stare, but as a psychologist, I am curious about behaviour, and I have made some observations. She nearly always looks enraptured with the swinging and the music, completely in the moment with the experience, literally throwing herself into it. After a few weeks, we started to see another girl, about the same age, swinging alongside her, listening to music and similarly throwing herself into the experience. The second girl only joins in once in a while, from what I can tell. I’m making a lot of assumptions here (i.e., namely, that they are present in the moment rather than ruminating about the past or worrying about the future), but I wondered whether the original swinger inspired this second one to join her.
Often, when one person really throws her or himself into an activity, others can become inspired to do the same. I’ve noticed this as well in our therapy groups and our training of clinicians in DBT. We often have clinicians do exercises that bring up self-consciousness, such as dancing, singing, making strange noises, laughing, and so on. Indeed, exercises that make you feel self-conscious are often the best ways to practice the DBT mindfulness skill of participating. When we do these exercises with clients and clinicians, people participate a lot more when we really throw ourselves in and participate ourselves. This happens in our martial arts class as well. The idea is to really ham it up and make loud sounds when we kick or punch, and being reserved Canadians, this doesn’t come naturally. But when one student really goes for it, we all feel more free to let loose. We often discuss how participating, or throwing yourself into the experience of the present moment, can help our clients disengage from rumination and worry and feel more connected to others and the universe as a whole. I think this skill can also have a ripple effect on the world around us. When you’re truly practicing the skill of participating, you can think of yourself as participating with the whole universe as it is right now in the present moment. The people around you just might catch on and start participating, too. ~ Alexander L. Chapman, Ph.D., R.Psych.