Yesterday, I was remembering when my children were younger. They’re close in age, they’re boys, and my wife stays at home to take care of them. Anyone with kids can probably imagine how challenging her job is – perhaps even more so when they were younger. As a result, I would sometimes take care of them for the weekend while she got a reprieve at her parents’ home. Feeling anxious about all of that responsibility falling on my shoulders, my approach was to plan ahead, make meals the day before, and ensure everything was as organized as humanly possible. Kids have a way of stirring up chaos, and chaos is definitely no friend of mine. Although I probably went a little overboard (as I tend to do), I discovered the great value of structure. Each day, we’d sit down, and come up with a schedule for the day. The schedule didn’t necessarily specify times, but it did lay out the sequence of activities for that day. For example: Breakfast, paper airplanes, quiet reading, going for a walk/bike ride, snack, and so on. Here’s an example of their behaviour off the schedule – Scream, yell, hit, run around, rampage, complain, ask why we can’t do such and such, or why we are doing such and such, tantrum, and so forth (they’re good boys, so this is a tiny bit of an exaggeration). Their behaviour on the schedule was dramatically different: Most of the time, they calmly sunk into whatever activity was on the schedule. They even seemed to (and still do) enjoy the process of sitting down and creating the schedule with me. The structure and clarity of the schedule seemed to have a regulating effect on their mood and behaviour.
I think the same is true of many of us. I attend a mindfulness retreat every year in Tucson, Arizona, and there is a very clearly laid out structure, routine, and set of guidelines for the retreat. I personally find the routine and schedule to be relaxing, mainly because I no longer have to make decisions about what to do next. I know, for example, that we have to be up by 5:30am, then there’s coffee, morning walking, meditation, more walking, and breakfast at 8am, and so it goes for each day. I make so many decisions in daily life that a decision-free retreat comes as a huge relief. In his book, Willpower, Dr. Roy Baumeister has discussed some of the research on decision making, making the point that decision making depletes our self-regulation resources. Self-regulation is basically our ability to direct our own behaviour and curb impulses to do things that help us in the short term but carry long term costs. Have you ever gone into a clothing store and found yourself making impulse purchases (that you later regret) after half an hour of trying to decide what to buy? Well, Dr. Baumeister has suggested that this impulse buying is related to decision making fatigue. Our self-regulation fuel is so used up by all the decision making that we make snap decisions. Another consequence of our self-regulation being depleted is that we tend to be more emotionally reactive. If you suffer from a lot of stress or negative emotions, you can probably relate to this – You probably have to do a lot of coping to get through the day, and by the time the day is through, you feel like you’ve totally run out of gas. Perhaps you’re unable to cope with even minor annoyances or inconveniences.
Having some kind of schedule and structure in our daily lives can go a long way in enhancing mental health or well being. Indeed, some treatments for depression (Behavioral Activation, developed by Drs. Neil Jacobson, Michael Addis, and Chris Martell, being an excellent example) have activity scheduling as a key component. Clients come up with a schedule for their daily activities, including activities associated with a sense of pleasure or mastery/accomplishment. Although having an “anything goes” day every once in a while can be fun and liberating, such as “Anything-can-happen-Thursdays” on the Big Bang Theory, having a general routine or structure to your daily life can provide a helpful emotional anchor. Dr. Marsha Linehan, developer of DBT, has often told her clients that, in order to be in therapy, they need to have at least 20 hours of structured, scheduled activities each week (e.g., volunteerism, paid work, etc.). Treatments for other problems, such as insomnia, are also built on the notion that consistent structure (in that case, having a consistent wake up/rise time every morning) is essential. Consider coming up with a schedule of activities for your days. Be sure to add in activities that you enjoy, find meaningful, and that give you a sense of accomplishment. Also be sure to schedule periods of self-care, such as adequate eating, sleeping, etc. Give yourself the freedom to change your mind, do something different, or be spontaneous. Try it out as an experiment for the next two weeks, and see what happens. – Alexander L. Chapman, Ph.D.