My wife and I were recently getting ready for a short vacation when we encountered an anxiety provoking problem that needed to be solved. We quickly realized that, while we could discuss and come up with some solutions to this problem, it wouldn’t be possible to take any steps towards solving it for some time. So, we set off on our mini vacation with this problem hanging over our heads, along with anxiety and uncertainty about when or how it will get solved. It was a rough start to a much-needed getaway.
This is the kind of situation that DBT distress tolerance skills were made for. Distress tolerance skills are there to help us tolerate problems before they can be solved. Sometimes, we can’t solve a problem right away because we are not in a clear enough state of mind to come up with solutions, the problem is long-term and complicated and won’t be solved anytime soon, or solving the problem might require other people to do things that they may or may not do. Distress tolerance skills are there in the meantime to help us tolerate the problem, our emotions and thoughts about the problem, and so forth. They’re also there to help us avoid making things worse.
On our trip, we could have made things worse by getting caught up in rumination and worry about the problem. We could have dwelled on all of factors that led to the problem, asked ourselves why we have to deal with this and why it can’t be easier, or got caught up in catastrophic thoughts about what might happen if the problem does not get solved. Admittedly, we did some of that! But not for too long. We decided the best thing to do was to fully participate in our experience of our short vacation, savouring and experiencing nature during our hikes, the taste of the food at restaurants, good conversations, and time with our dog (this was his first vacation). In short, our version of practicing distress tolerance skills was to simply live our lives in those few days as mindfully as possible.
There are many ways to tolerate difficult problems before they can be solved. You can distract yourself by engaging mindfully in other activities and experiences, get your mind off your problem by focusing on helping someone else, taking steps to make this one moment just a little better and more bearable (e.g., the DBT IMPROVE skills), engaging in soothing activities, or using strategies to dampen your emotional arousal to a more manageable level (e.g., changing your body temperature, engaging in intense exercise, or using various forms of breathing). You can also remind yourself that, while you can’t solve the problem right now, you will work on it when the time is right. When using distress tolerance skills, remember that one of the primary goals is to avoid making the problem worse. So, think about all the things that you could do to make the problem worse, and come up with a plan to avoid doing those things.
As we discovered on our vacation, tolerating difficult problems doesn’t always have to involve a lot of effort: It can just be living your everyday life mindfully. Get up in the morning, do something special for yourself first thing (e.g., a nice walk, breakfast, meditation, exercise, time with loved ones), mindfully participate in whatever you do during the day, and continue to engage in activities that you value. Your problem won’t go away, but it might fade a bit into the background. Although life is full of problems to tolerate or solve, freedom and joy are still possible. ~Alexander L. Chapman, Ph.D., R.Psych.