Earlier this week, I was sitting in my favourite chair by the window having lunch, and my wife was pulling out of the garage to go out and run some errands. I waved to her by the window, but she didn’t wave back. I am assuming this was because she didn’t see me, and not because I annoyed her in some way earlier in the day. I think my assumption is accurate, as she wasn’t even looking in my direction when I waved. This made me wonder: what’s the point of waving if no one sees you wave? The answer that came to me was that it simply makes me feel good to wave. Why would it make me feel good to wave? I think it’s because waving hello or goodbye to someone I care about is consistent with my value of being a caring family member. As a result, the simple act of doing something that fits my value system can be quite rewarding in and of itself, even if there is no tangible reward or effect. This is the nice thing about acting in accordance with one’s values. You win even if you don’t win anything in particular. People have been arguing for many years as to whether true altruism exists, as it could easily be argued that engaging in selfless acts of kindness actually results in some kind of payoff for the giver. That payoff may not be tangible, but it might be an increase in mood, an increased sense of self-worth or self-esteem, and so on. Anything we do is likely to affect how we feel, the physiological activity in our bodies and brains, and what we think. If we bring a larger proportion of our daily behaviour in line with values that are important to us, these effects will probably be positive, more often than not. In DBT and other treatments, we often teach people the skills of clarifying and acting in accordance with their values. Values can act as a sort of compass, pointing us in the right direction when we are not sure what to do. Keeping our values in mind can also help infuse our everyday activities with importance. If I value being healthy, then when I sit down to have what I would consider a healthy snack, I’m acting in a manner that is consistent with my values. As a result, I don’t only get to enjoy my snack, but I also get to enjoy an additional sense of satisfaction but I’m doing something that I believe is right. Consider ways to bring your everyday activities in line with values that are important to you, even if this means that you are sometimes like the proverbial tree falling in the forest – waving even when no one waves back. -Alexander L. Chapman, Ph.D., R.Psych.