A sock hop. What is a sock hop? We sometimes had sock hops toward the latter years of elementary school. Teachers encouraged us to show up and dance in our socks. It sounded like a good idea at the time, at least until I got to the gym and realized (a) I couldn’t dance, (b) I was too shy to ask anyone to dance with me, and (c) the girls were all dancing with each other. These issues aside, I still don’t think dancing in socks in a school gymnasium is prudent. I wonder how many kids have gotten injured during these dangerous events. Having two boys, I have witnessed firsthand the blood and carnage that results from running (or hopping) around in one’s socks. It’s not pretty. What’s missing is traction. Back when sock hops were popular (if they ever were), I don’t think people had come up with those grippy socks that have traction on the bottoms of them. What a great invention! When my wife and I are older and maybe less steady on our feet, we will surely have a traction-socks-only policy in our home.
On the subject of traction, I was listening to an interesting radio interview several weeks ago, in which the interviewee (who had recently published a book, but whose name escapes me) discussed traction. He framed traction as being engaged with what we’re doing. Distraction like being unengaged or moving our focus to something else. In DBT, we teach the mindfulness skill of participating, which is a lot like having traction with whatever activity you’re engaging in. Participating involves throwing yourself into what you’re doing, mind, body, and soul, with full attention.
Another interesting point that the interviewee made was that it’s hard to call it “distraction” if you are simply switching your focus to something important to you or something you actually want to focus on. Perhaps you’re reading a book, and you decide that you’re going to spend some time checking your email. If you’ve made the conscious decision to check your email, it would be hard to say that you’ve become distracted from reading. If, on the other hand, you are reading and want to continue reading but keep grabbing and checking your phone, you’ve become distracted (i.e., you’ve lost “traction” when it comes to reading). As another example, we often think one of our sons is distracted or distractible, because when it’s time to do something (such as eat breakfast, brush his teeth, get ready to go somewhere), he often decides to run over and play with or pet the dog. But has he really become distracted (lost traction)? I’m starting to think he hasn’t; rather, he has decided that what he really wants to do is play with the dog. It’s probably only because we want him to do something else that we judge this as distractibility.
One of the benefits of mindfulness skills is that they can help you focus on what you want to focus on. With enough practice, you can foster and maintain traction with activities that are important to you and avoid being distracted by other events or activities. When you want to eat, you’ll focus on eating. When you want to read, you’ll focus on reading. When you want to go for a walk and simply enjoy the scenery, you’ll do that as well. Choose what you want to do, and fully participate in that activity by throwing your mind, body and soul into it. When you believe it’s wise to switch activities, do so mindfully and participate in the next activity without judgment. And, if you must go to a dance, please wear shoes, or at minimum, traction socks. ~ Alexander L. Chapman, Ph.D., R.Psych.