My family and I recently went on a ski vacation, and I learned that I actually enjoy skiing. I always used to enjoy skiing, but that was when I was younger, without kids, and with way fewer responsibilities (not to mention, when skiing was considerably cheaper!). I remember calling the snow phone almost every day in the winter, keeping close track of the weather, and heading up to the mountain whenever there was a significant dump of snow (even if that meant skipping classes). My wife and I used to go on ski vacations and ski frequently at the local mountains. I used to get cravings to go skiing, much like people feel cravings for a glass of wine, chocolate, or a cigarette. OK, so that was all before we had kids. I was excited to introduce our little ones to skiing, but I had no idea what awaited us. Inevitably, one or both of our kids would be too hot, too cold, unable or unwilling to carry their skis, or they would complain about having to get up so early, trip and fall down the stairs with their ski boots on, drop a glove in the toilet during a bathroom break, or pace the ski school hut for two hours chanting, “I don’t want to ski. I don’t want to ski.” (this actually happened). Skiing involved a lot of cajoling, reassuring, convincing, lifting, heaving, towing, and yes, even crying (and not just the kids). Not to mention, painfully slow skiing on beginner runs and breaks every couple of minutes. That’s not to say it was all bad. Kids are incredibly cute when they ski, and it’s heartwarming to see them tackle new challenges, get excited about being on the mountain, to warm up with them in a cozy cafe with hot chocolate, and so on. Not to mention that we thought we were giving them the gift of an important skill that would bring them a lot of pleasure in the future. Skiing, however, had become insanely expensive, so we were paying a pretty penny for all of these experiences.
As the kids got older, more skilled, and more independent, skiing became a lot easier, so I was confused about why I never wanted to do it. Maybe my brain hadn’t caught up to the fact that we were out of the earlier era of skiing. Maybe it was still a lot more work than I wanted it to be, or I was stuck on how unreasonably expensive it had become. In any case, I felt minimal interest in going skiing and remember telling my wife that I’d rather stay home, go for a nice walk, and read my book. I wasn’t happy about this. I remember when my parents stopped skiing, and I thought that was pretty lame and promised myself I’d never do that! But, I’d come to accept it, and I figured that, with global warming, my skiing days were numbered anyway. Okay, so that’s how I felt until we went on our ski vacation. Although much of the complaining, whining, and psychological mind games we’d previously experienced on the slopes flared up for the first little while, I started to notice something interesting: Pleasure, and even a bit of excitement! As the trip progressed, I started to look forward to hitting the slopes and really enjoy it. What was happening here? It was still a lot of work, but I actually liked it again. I started to realize it was because the resort we were skiing at was way bigger and more interesting than where we normally ski. This may seem like an obvious point, but I think my apathy about skiing was that I was essentially bored with the places we normally went and not necessarily the result of parental skiing PTSD (a new diagnosis I just made up).
What does this all have to do with anything? Well, one of the most effective treatments for depression, where one of the prominent symptoms is anhedonia (lack of pleasure), is behavioural activation, in which the client systematically engages in activities associated with a sense of pleasure or mastery. I’ve often told clients that their brains basically need to re-learn how to experience pleasure. They’ve gotten so used to not feeling pleasure in daily activities that it’s like their pleasure muscles have atrophied, so they need some reconditioning. My skiing experience reminded me of this, and in particular, reminded me of the importance of taking it up a notch and trying out new, interesting, or stimulating activities that will give your brain the jolt it needs to get back in shape. If you’re trying to climb your way out of depression, don’t just keep doing the same activities repeatedly. Try to vary things up, change who you see, what you do, and when you do it. Go to an amusement park and ride a scary roller coaster, go to a kind of movie you wouldn’t normally see, or do something that scares or excites you (or would have excited you in the past). Don’t just “talk the talk” by dutifully scheduling activities week after week that do nothing for you. Take your activities up a notch, and find a way to relearn how to enjoy life. Be patient. This takes time to work, but if you really throw yourself into it, the research shows that it works. ~ Alexander Chapman, Ph.D., R.Psych.