When I consult with mental health clinicians providing DBT or other related services, they often have questions about whether and how to use self-disclosure in therapy. When students are learning how to be therapists, they receive a variety of advice about this from supervisors/teachers. Often, they are cautioned against any kind of self-disclosure during therapy sessions. I think a variety of concerns underlie this advice, such as the idea that telling clients too much about ourselves might undermine the professional aspects of the therapy relationship, reduce client confidence in us as therapist, raise concerns about potentially conflicting values, or foster some kind of friendship rather than a professional relationship.
Interestingly, in DBT, we tend to use self-disclosure more often than therapists using other approaches do. This can be a bit of an adjustment for therapist who didn’t start off learning DBT. I usually suggest that therapists use self-disclosure in a way that is related to therapy and focused on the best interests of their clients. I suggest therapists avoid self-disclosure if they’re only doing it for their own personal reasons.
There are several different ways for therapists to effectively use self-disclosure. Sometimes, it’s helpful for therapists to disclose how they have used certain coping skills, to show that these skills can help in everyday, real-world situations. After all, social psychological research has shown that, when we hear about other people doing things that have work out for them, we are more likely to do those things ourselves (i.e., we tend to learn from and imitate others).
Another type of self-disclosure that might occur in therapy is what we sometimes call self-involving self disclosure. This involves the therapist conveying their reactions to the client or the client’s behaviour. If client has had some success in, for example, working toward educational or occupational goals or practicing effective coping skills, the therapist might convey their own emotional reactions (such as enthusiasm) about this. If the client compliments the therapist, the therapist might express genuine appreciation for this. On the flip side, if the client yells at or harshly criticizes the therapist (this doesn’t happen too often, fortunately!), the therapist might describe their own reactions to this kind of behaviour. From this, the client might learn how this behaviour affects others.
An additional type of self-disclosure involves providing relevant professional or personal information to the client. In my opinion, therapists should always provide information to their clients about their training, background, and experience with people who have similar challenges or goals. So often, though, therapists don’t do this, and clients are left without crucial information about their therapist’s expertise. Therapists also sometimes provide limited personal information. Some clients want to know how old their therapist is, whether their therapist is married, has children, and so forth. I usually suggest that therapists think ahead about what types of personal information they are willing to disclose and to respectfully observe limits for topics they’d rather not discuss. Clients might also think about why they’re interested in these details. Perhaps they are wondering whether the therapist can relate to or understand them. If I were seeing a therapist, for example, I would probably wonder whether they have children, particularly if we might discuss parenting challenges.
I’m probably a little more comfortable with self disclosure than some therapists. When I run therapy groups that involve teaching skills, or if I’m teaching a class to graduate students, my natural style is to use personal examples, anecdotes, and stories. I have often found that clients remember my stories better than they remember the stuff I would like them to remember! After all, humans respond to stories, perhaps better than most other ways of conveying information.
From a client perspective, you might consider whether you are comfortable with your therapist disclosing things about their life. Would you like to get to know your therapist a little better, and would this strengthen your work, or would you not be comfortable with this? Is your therapist too much of a closed book for you to feel connected to them? On the other hand, is your therapist telling you too much about their life, to the point where it seems irrelevant or gratuitous? In an open therapy relationship, you should be able to describe your thoughts and feelings about how much or how little your therapist discloses, and have a collaborative discussion about what might work best. ~Alexander L. Chapman, Ph.D., R.Psych.