There are many ways to increase the chances that loved ones will effectively support your recovery from mental health challenges. As mentioned last week, if it’s clear to loved ones that progress doesn’t occur overnight and can be like a slow and bumpy road, they will hopefully be a little more to accept what you’re going through and to be patient. Another strategy is to help loved ones get in touch with accurate information about the mental health problem with which you’re struggling. Depending on what you’re dealing with, accurate information, however, can be hard to come by. In the world of borderline personality disorder (and many other mental health problems), a lot of misinformation, stigmatizing, and pejorative language exists. It can be helpful to work with a mental health professional to determine where and how to get the most objective, accurate, and compassionately presented information. This is what loved ones should read. Having more information can help them better understand and accept what you’re going through. Sometimes, it can also be helpful to encourage your loved ones to have some involvement in your treatment. Not a lot of involvement, but some involvement. As an example, in our adolescent DBT program, clients come to DBT skills groups with 1-2 of their caregivers/parents. This allows the clients and their caregivers to be on the same page regarding effective skills for managing emotions, tolerating distress, and communicating effectively. Often, when the “patient” is learning skills the caregivers don’t know, the caregivers might inadvertently punish the patient for her or his progress (e.g., “Don’t use that psychology stuff on me!” “Why are you acting so differently?” and so on). Another way for loved ones to be involved is for them to come to a session or two an discuss what’s happening in therapy, take the opportunity to ask the therapist questions, and perhaps get some helpful tips on how to communicate effectively. Other strategies (if loved ones are still impatient and under the impression that you’re somehow not trying enough) are for you to make it clear when you’re putting in effort to apply the things you’re learning in therapy. Make it clear that you’re trying hard, doing your therapy homework, trying to use a coping skill during a heated discussion and so forth. Finally, it can be very useful to have a deal with loved ones whereby you are able to make it clear to them as to what kind of support you need. Sometimes, we all just want a supportive person to listen to us, and when we get advice instead, we find it frustrating. At other times, we might want advice and suggestions. If you’re asking someone for support, try to clarify what kind of support you need. Avoid assuming they should know or that you should not have to say anything. Other helpful ways for loved ones to learn to provide more effective support include educational initiatives by organizations such as TARA4BPD (www.tara4bpd.org) and the National Education Alliance for BPD (www.borderlinepersonalitydisorder.com). In addition, for those in our region, we offer a loved ones group (www.dbtvancouver.com/our-services/family-and-loved-ones) through the DBT Centre of Vancouver, in which the loved ones learn some of the same skills taught to our clients and have the opportunity to address questions regarding how to provide the most effective support, deal with challenging situations, and so on. Informed, compassionate, and skilled loved ones can be powerful allies on the road to recovery. -Alexander L. Chapman, Ph.D., R.Psych