In the summer, my wife and I went on a very long hike, quite a bit longer than expected, as we took a wrong turn at some point. Fortunately, we got back on the right trail, and we now have fond memories of the hike as a whole. What made the detour particularly troubling, however, was that my feet really started to hurt as we kept descending down switchbacks, knowing we were clearly going out of our way. At the time, I wasn’t really sure why my feet were so sore, but I realized later on that the insoles of my hiking boots were woefully thin and inadequate. Unfortunately, since that hike, I’ve continued to have what seems to be nerve pain in the ball of my left foot – just one of the many physical complaints I have these days. I don’t really even think much about it or resent it. I mostly just accept it as yet another little pain to deal with. I have found, however, a way to reduce the pain and keep walking pleasurable: Insoles! I bought some new ones at a local pharmacy, and the difference is like night and day, even when I wear my good quality running shoes, which you would think would have pretty good insoles already. I was particularly grateful for those insoles during a family trip to Disneyland, which involved a ton of walking. I say all of this because I’ve realized that, when my feet are happy, I’m a lot happier. I wouldn’t have thought that the comfort of my feet would be so important to my state of mind more broadly, but they are. Quite literally, our feet are our foundation, and if the foundation is shaky or in pain, it can be hard to feel content.
I think this is a lot like self-care. In DBT, we teach people emotion regulation skills to help them establish a strong foundation and be more able to weather stress. These skills are a lot like wearing really good insoles. Even if you’re going over rough terrain and dealing with a lot of stressors in your everyday life, your self-care regimen can help you take what comes in stride. I’ve probably discussed the DBT self-care, or PLEASE skills before, but they basically involve taking care of your body to take care of your mind. The P and L stand for “Treat Physical ILness,” the E stands for “balance Eating,” the A is “Avoid mood altering substances,” the S is “balance Sleep,” and the second E is “Exercise.” There’s more to self-care than this, but these are some of the more important categories to keep in mind. Establishing a strong self-care routine can help you avoid slipping into what we call “Emotion Mind” in DBT. My routine may not be for everyone, but I try to get at least a few of my PLEASE skills out of the way each morning, starting with a very nice breakfast, meditation, an exercise routine, and then getting ready for the day. I find getting up early to do all of this makes sense, as nobody else is up, and obligations are less likely to get in my way. I notice a fairly significant difference between days when I keep up with my routine and those when I slip off course. If you’re looking for a way to reduce your reactivity to everyday stressors and avoid slipping into “Emotion Mind,” you might consider establishing a daily self-care routine covering at least a few of the PLEASE skills. If you make it a routine (like brushing your teeth or getting ready for bed), do it during a time that is protected from other obligations, and keep it consistent and doable, I believe you’ll be able to keep it up and notice a difference in how you manage stress. And, even if you have no problems with your feet or shoes, I highly recommend excellent insoles. ~Alexander L. Chapman, Ph.D., R.Psych.