My son was asking me the other day why our relatively meagre donation to the Terry Fox Foundation should make any difference at all in the grand scheme of things. Many people donate to this and other funds geared toward fighting cancer, and the absence of any individual donation, with the notable exception of those who donate enormous amounts, shouldn’t make much of a difference. Indeed, this is probably true of most of the things we do to either help others or improve our living situation on the planet. Does it really make a difference on a global scale if I decide to run the water a little less? Or, if I walk versus drive to get some work done at the local Starbucks? On a global, galactic, or universal scale, probably not. If we were to make everyday life decisions based on how much of an impact we individually have, we might simply give up worrying about anything we do. It would be quite easy to become fixated on our own insignificance and just decide to do nothing. But, it is amazing what could happen if millions, if not billions, of people were to make small changes in their behaviour. The collective effort of many people toward an important goal can result in changes with huge consequences. Think of the zombies in the show, The Walking Dead. How on earth could these mentally vegetative, slow moving, stiff-legged creatures have taken over the world? They can barely even figure out how to open a door. But, there are so many of them that, collectively, they have managed to wreak havoc.
OK, so what does this have to do with emotions, psychology, or coping skills? Well, in DBT, we often teach people skills to clarify and act according to their value system. One could easily argue that there’s no point in bothering to act according to our values, or even bothering to help others (if that’s one of your values), because of the relatively and in insignificant impact we have individually. I think that perspective would be missing the point of these skills. As I have probably mentioned in a previous blog, value-oriented goals are accomplished by simply engaging in behaviour consistent with one’s values. This behaviour might not work out. You might try to help someone, and simply cause more problems. You might be working on the value of becoming more independent and repeatedly hit a number of roadblocks. You might value power and money but never truly earn any significant status or income. You might want to change the environment, but all your efforts may have vanishingly small effects on global warming. Fortunately, that’s OK. Acting in accordance with our values can still enhance our lives and help us build a strong emotional foundation. Filling your life with seemingly insignificant but highly valued behaviour can enhance your sense of meaning and well-being even if your behaviour has little discernable impact. If you’re working on building up valued behavior, look for every opportunity to do these small things that are consistent with your values. Avoid measuring success simply based on the results of your actions. Look for every opportunity to engage in small actions that fit you value system. You’re successful in working on your values if you are simply doing things that are important to you.