I’ve been working hard to cultivate my “inner laziness.” I know it’s in there. I was intimately familiar with it in high school, when I so regularly missed classes that my poor mother (who was surprisingly understanding about this!) ran out of excuses for her notes to the principal’s office. Eventually, the notes just said, “Alexander was away.” Somehow, the school didn’t kick me out. The thing is, I wasn’t doing anything exciting or illicit. Much of the time, I was just somewhere reading, relaxing, or taking myself out for breakfast. The White Spot in Kerrisdale was a common morning haunt.
Somewhere along the way, I started to become responsible. Of course, this waxed and waned. I went to university, riding waves of laziness and productivity throughout. Then, off to graduate school, where I officially entered the realm of “Type-A.” I was focused like a laser beam on what I could get done, how to do it efficiently, and how to learn as much as I possibly could. In short, I was focused on doing, doing, doing. I worked from 7am to 7pm for years, went away for internship, scored a fantastic post-doctoral fellowship with Dr. Marsha Linehan, and was lucky enough to return home to the Metro Vancouver area. As a junior professor working toward tenure, I spent much of my time in the zone of what some people call Doing Mode (Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn coined this term). I was trying to be as productive as possible, but I was still able to sit and simply do nothing, read a book without thinking of what else needed to be done, or spend hours watching a favourite show. I was still able to spend significant time in Being Mode (the opposite of Doing Mode).
Somehow, parenthood dealt another knockout blow to my ability to be in Being Mode. I noticed that I was always trying to do everything quickly; speed-walking from place to place; speaking, writing, and talking quickly, and being a lot more task-focused than person-focused. Partly, this change occurred of necessity. Children require time, energy, and attention. And, we’re not living in the 1950s, when I might have arrived home, had a glass of scotch, waited for my dinner to be made, and then retired to the den for an evening cigar. As a very involved parent and spouse, the edges of my envelope were already starting to tear open, and when the kids came, I needed a much bigger envelope. After I got tenure 5 years ago, I started to purposely walk more slowly, take the time to have my lunch at a beautiful viewpoint on Burnaby Mountain, re-invigorate my daily mindfulness practice, and allow myself time to just not get anything done. Even now, having been recently promoted to Full Professor, I find myself a little uneasy sitting in my favourite chair with a book. My mind goes to what I could be working on, whether I should get up and tidy up the kitchen, move those boxes that have been sitting in my home office for years, respond to my emails so that they don’t pile up and bury me alive tomorrow, or do something productive with my sons.
At these times, I try to remember the value of Being Mode. Being Mode is just being fully present to the current moment without holding onto any kind of goal or desired state of being. In Being Mode, your only goal is to be and experience the present moment. Dr. Marsha Linehan talks about this (which she labels Being Mind; Linehan, 2015) as “nothing to do mind.” It’s not that you really have nothing to do, but rather, you’re doing whatever you’re doing simply for the sake of doing it. If you’re walking, you’re not walking to get exercise or to get from place to place; you’re simply walking to walk. If you’re washing the dishes, you’re not washing them to get them done (that would be Doing Mind); you’re washing them to simply wash them. We can’t be in Being Mind all the time. Things do need to get done, so Doing Mind is necessary. We can, however, try to seek a balance of Being Mind and Doing Mind. If you lean toward the side of Doing Mind, look for windows of opportunity to cultivate Being Mind. Perhaps you might take a short break from work and simply watch the birds outside your window (the pigeons outside my downtown office always entertain me as they swoop around together and chase each other on the rooftops), mindfully drink a glass of water or a cup of coffee, have a special treat, or do something just because you enjoy it. Whenever I have my breakfast, a snack, or my lunch, I am in Being Mind. Although I’m in Doing Mind enough to avoid spending 3 hours on lunch, I do focus primarily on what I’m doing in the moment. I try to put on nice music, read a great book, and prepare a meal that I’ll really enjoy. Then, I just sit there and enjoy it, letting go of worries and thoughts about things that need to be done. At some point later today, I plan to just sit around and do nothing for a while, and perhaps even to watch the news. I’m feeding my inner laziness little by little. It’s a part of my personality that I’ve always liked – my ability to relax, kick back, be in the moment, etc., and I plan to get it back. Now, I can check “write blog” off my to-do list and move on to my email. – Alexander L. Chapman, Ph.D., R.Psych