We are all unbelievably small. I mean, really, really small. I’ve been reading Lisa Randall’s book, Dark Matter and the Dinosaurs (which I highly recommend). This Harvard physics professor describes (in accessible terms) leading thought about the development of the universe, the pervasive presence and influence of matter that nobody will ever be able to see (dark matter, which doesn’t interact with light at all), and the influence of our solar system/galaxy’s environment on our planet. Most people know this, but we are unbelievably, unfathomably small in the grand scheme of things. Even Jupiter, which we consider large (and it is over 1300 times the volume of Earth), is minuscule on the scale of our solar system. The diameter of our solar system is a subject of much debate, but when outlying areas are considered (e.g., the hypothesized Oort Cloud, etc.), the diameter of the solar system might be up to 200,000 AUs – 200,000 times the distance from the Earth to the Sun, or over 3 light years. As Bill Bryson describes in his book, A Brief History of Nearly Everything, the solar system is so large that it’s impossible to draw it to scale. And the solar system is minuscule compared with our galaxy; our galaxy is minuscule relative to galactic clusters, and such clusters are miniscule relative to the universe. This makes us small (relatively speaking) on a scale beyond most imaginings. From this perspective, it’s amazing that we even have brains that can (more or less) think. And still, our problems sometimes seem huge and unbelievably stressful.
Perhaps this might put our everyday problems into perspective. That’s not to say that our problems are unimportant or will simply vanish into the ether. All emotions are ultimately understandable on some level. If we are having a strong reaction to a problem in life, there’s probably a very good reason for this. Perhaps the problem is hard to solve, related to great loss in life (loss of other people, jobs, and so on), emotionally painful, or related to adverse experiences from the past. We all have very good reasons for reacting the way we do to the problems we face. The challenge is to gain perspective in a way that doesn’t completely invalidate our emotional reactions. We have a skill for this in DBT; it’s called “comparisons.” Comparisons involves comparing your situation to another situation that may be even worse. Some people struggle with this skill: When they compare themselves to those who are less fortunate, they start to think they don’t deserve to feel as upset as they do. Another way to use this skill, though, is to compare your current situation to an even more difficult (or at least similar) situation from the past. If you got through that situation alive, then you can probably get through this one. I also think we could use the skill of comparisons to take on a more universal perspective on our problems. To do this, I find it helpful to broaden my awareness. Often, when a major problem is occurring, it is easy to devote a lot of mental energy, thought, and effort to that problem. The problem, in essence, becomes a disproportionately large part of your life. You may know your life is much bigger than any one problem, but it’s hard to experience that when your attention, thinking, and emotions are focused so much on the problem. Taking a more universal perspective can involve broadening your awareness. Open your mind to the other aspects of your life: Your relationships, accomplishments, likes (and maybe dislikes), occupation, family, friends, and everyday experiences. When you’re walking, open your mind to walking, and make this activity your whole universe. When you’re talking with someone else, make that activity your whole universe. Draw a pie chart, where each piece of the pie is an aspect of your life. Make a realistic estimate of how big the problem piece is, and then fill in the rest of the pieces. Try to notice your connection to the ground you’re standing on, the connection of the ground to the Earth, the Earth to the solar system, and so on. Imagine yourself as a little dot on a huge sphere. Imagine your problem as an even smaller dot – one that you can barely even see. I believe these types of exercises can help broaden our perspective, fostering a more “universal” perspective on our problems. -Alexander L. Chapman, Ph.D., R.Psych.