I was sitting in an airport terminal recently, and across from me were a young girl, perhaps 13 years old, and her father. The girl was visibly distressed, periodically crying softly, and when not crying, barely containing her tears. The father, sitting next to her, was in a position that many of us recognize these days: sitting with his head tilted downward at about a 45° angle cradling his smart phone. When the girl spoke to him, presumably about what she was upset about, he occasionally nodded, but his eyes remained firmly planted on his smart phone. Now, to give this fellow the benefit of the doubt, it’s always possible that the girl was crying because she was denied something, and he was attempting to ignore her behaviour. Many parents struggle to arrive at an approach to this kind of situation that is both compassionate and avoids reinforcing nagging and other undesirable behaviour. That said, from what I heard the daughter saying, I’m pretty sure this was not the situation. Instead, it appeared that she was having a hard time because she was missing or going to miss a family member or friend. Not once in this exchange did I see the father turn his head toward her or take his eyes off the smart phone. Of course, it’s also possible that I was just assuming that this person was her father. Perhaps she was crying and speaking to a complete stranger, who was trying to ignore her. He might as well have been a complete stranger, although I suspect that a stranger would have been more responsive. Although I had dismaying thoughts about the state of our society and what smart phone technology has done to human beings, I let those thoughts go, got on the plane, and arrived at my connecting city. As I often tell clients, ruminating about things we don’t like rarely leads to productive action and usually causes greater distress.
At the connecting airport, I had about a 3 to 4 hour layover, and I decided to treat myself to a nice dinner. As my meal arrived, a young man, his apparent girlfriend, and her or his parents arrived and sat across from me. The girlfriend was visibly distressed and kept putting her head in her arms. When her head arose, it was clear that she had been crying. The boyfriend was sitting on the barstool cradling his smart phone and staring at it, much like the father in the other airport terminal. Every once in a while, the young woman would turn to him and say something, and he would nod almost imperceptibly, remaining glued to his phone. From what I could tell, she was very upset, exhausted, and really struggling. She would have to have been having a really hard time to be openly crying in a public restaurant. I will go out on a limb here and guess that, if the young man’s smart phone had malfunctioned, or if he accidentally dropped it, he would probably take action right away and find a way to fix or take care of it. If whatever media he was watching stopped playing, he would probably try to get it to start up again, check his Wi-Fi connection, and do some troubleshooting. And yet, when his girlfriend was breaking down next to him, he did not seem to give her the same care and attention that he would likely give his smart phone. I wonder if the girlfriend was crying because she has learned that her boyfriend is in love with someone or something else? Perhaps, over time, she has discovered that her boyfriend is actually in love with his smart phone. The elegant contours, smooth, wrinkle and scratch-proof screen, lightening fast responsivity, willingness to do whatever he wants whenever he wants it, lack of emotional needs or demands, and so forth, are probably rather difficult to compete with. Interestingly, I noticed that the screen of the young woman’s smart phone was shattered. To be continued… – Alexander L. Chapman, Ph.D., R.Psych.