We have noticed a few main patterns of self-harm among the people with whom we have worked. Some people self-harm a couple of times in their youth and then quickly give it up, others harm themselves only when certain types of overwhelming situations or stressors occur (such as a relationship break up or major conflict), and still others can get caught up in an addictive patterns of self-harm, where they hurt themselves repeatedly and have a hard time stopping. We don’t know why some people find it much easier than others to give up self-harm, but we do know that, whatever your pattern, there are effective ways to reduce and give up self-harm.
Step 1: Get Motivated
Perhaps the first step in stopping any behaviour that you want to stop is to get motivated. It can be very hard to give up self-harm, particularly if it works well for you as a coping strategy; thus, it is important for you to have some fuel or motivation behind your efforts to quit. One way to get that motivation is to think through the pros (positives or benefits) and cons (downsides) of self-harm.
1) Write down a list of the pros of self-harm, including both short-term and long-term pros. For instance, you might write down “helps me release tension, makes me feel calm, makes my pain more tangible,” etc. Then, write down a list of the short- and long-term cons. Some of these might include scarring, problems in relationships, etc.
2) The next step is to really get those cons of self-harm burned into your brain so that you can remember them when you most need them (i.e., when you feel the urge to harm yourself).
We have done some research on the reasons why people want to quit self-harming, and here are some of the things people have told us. You might also find that you have similar reasons and can borrow or steal these and use them in your efforts to help yourself.
- “Self-injury makes me feel like there’s something wrong with me.”
- “I feel ashamed.”
- “I don’t like the scars.”
- “I don’t want to hurt my friends, family, or other loved ones.”
- “I don’t want to have to worry about hiding the scars.”
- “I don’t want others to think I’m crazy or weird.”
